As I sat in my apartment talking with some good friends online, I heard thunder making it's way toward me from the south where Nara is. Just as soon as I noticed the storm rolling in, the rain began to pour. The thunder crashes were right over head. The rain fell as if the clouds were crying (with laughter or sorrow, it's up to you). The sound was so addicting; I turned off my TV, fan, and air conditioner, opened my front door and made my way to the stairwell balcony. The symphony of nature's choir was beautiful.
The sound, the smell, the feel of fresh rain - it's been a long time since I've experienced such serenity.
I stood there for almost an hour staring at a bamboo-forested mountain standing boldly among the rice field while letting the virgin rain collect on my skin. The only thing I really thought about was...
...my life.
Here I am, on the other side of the world from home. I've met so many good people so far - people that may forge my life in a different way than I expect it to. But in the same reality which is my world, I've left so many good people. Yes it's painful, but I know it's necessary. Not that I'm trying to depress myself; on the contrary. It's just something that's been on my mind - something that I've never really concentrated on until now. It's more a contemplation rather than a complaint.
In the midst of the people coming and going in and out of my life, I wonder - not obsessively - about what the future holds in store for me. I even wonder about the lives I'll change. It excites me, on the same token, makes me feel anxious.
Through all my past, present, and future mistakes, my life will definitely unfold and mold itself until I can truly understand and see what it is I'm supposed to be.
It hasn't even been a month yet, but I can't help but be human. I can't help but go through these feelings that come with being human. I'm used to gazing into the future trying to preempt the missteps along the path, but now, all I can see is the vast unknown. I don't know where to step nor know what'll happen when I place my decision.
I honestly can't pin-point what exactly I'm feeling. Really, what exactly am I feeling? I guess I'll have to wait for the rain to fall again for an answer.
...my town smells good...it smells like a new life...
About Me
- takoyakiball
- Here & Now Town, Kyoto-fu, Japan
- I am what God made me to be. By the way, my blog's main photo was shot with my hot photographic skills. Yeah, this was a shot taken at the Damnoen Saduak Floating Market in Thailand. I love Thailand.
9 comments:
there is something about traveling so far away and knowing you won't be back for a while that does something to you, doesn't it? reflection and insight during a rainstorm on your balcony in ide-cho sounds very fulfilling.
Sounds cool. I love the rain. I'd say I love Japan too, but I've never been, so I don't know, and that would be a lie. You don't want me to lie to you, do you? Didn't think so.
And, if it helps you feel better, you've touched my life. I can't even look at a picture/diagram of a uterus without thinking it's a lamb's face. Ha!
word yo.
i know that was a deep entry, but i gotta say, i kinda hate you right now because you have internet at home, a tv, and an ac. no fair! :p
hope to talk to you soon!
~saiki
It was the hustle and bustle of my local train station here in the city that made me come to similar realizations. though there was 10million people at Lake Biwako last night, the fireworks were strangely calming. I think self-reflection and self-realization are inevitable while taking new paths in life, Japan just seems to magnify the beauty in those moments of chaos.
Embrace those feelings kiddo! Japan is such a beautiful place to be during this time in your life. Self-introspection + reflection will bring you to wonderful discoveries about yourself and those around you. I know it's tough doing this on your own but you'll be amazed at what God and what life will bring you.
On a side note:
Another cool thing to do, since you have rice fields around you. Take a stroll at night and head towards a rice field (one that's just been planted and filled with mizu) oh, and make sure to bring a flashlight with you. The chorus of frogs is a wonderful sound! And if you aim the flashlight just right, you might be able to see some of those little guys. =)
wowwwww...that sounds so nice! i don't know what i'm doing in the future, either. you're not alone! :P
Yo Mista G!
I understand this post all too well after four years here. Japan will change you big and you will change all the people you meet and interact with in ways big and small. I think about going home in less than a year and am only thinking about who and what I am leaving. I also can't believe how fast time went and that I will have spent 1/6th of my life here by that time.
Anyhoo, beast of luck!!!! Yr an animal!!!!
押忍！
Todd
P.S. I got my 30th birthday parties on the 13th and 15th. Send me a message if you can make either.
I am sooooo glad you can be so happy and entranced by rain. We have it in Seattle, too. Our Annual Rain Festival goes pretty much year around. Some years it used to be so rainy we didn't get a summer at all.
With global warming, though, it hasn't been that bad for a couple of decades, now.
Love, Gassho,
Masaye
It's amazing when you can be in a new place and experience life. Thankfully, you've made it further than many-taking that leap into the necessary, bringing you toward contemplation. I am thankful to have been a part of your life in Vegas as I am sure many of us here are. Live!!!!
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